RAWR

RAWR: Regret. Anger. Wangst. Roaming around the internet doing absolutely nothing.

I have spent much of this week in a RAWR mood. (Much too sad/frustrated for an actual picture. I am so skilled at drawing. Hey, there's a reason this is a blog.)

I angsted about all the things I couldn't do: I had lost my glasses, I couldn't eat all the unhealthy snacks I wanted, I couldn't play lacrosse, I couldn't handle prom drama, and, most importantly, I couldn't walk.

This was not one of my proudest weeks. I just take hope in the fact that in a few weeks I will be well on my way to doing the things that I love again. I just have to focus on the things I can do right now. My arms are feeling the burn from tricep extensions, modified pushups, and resistance band workouts. I miss cardio a lot, but I know I'll be able to return to it eventually, and that's all that matters. A walking cast has made it a little easier to walk, too.

But today I have spent mostly looking like this:


I'm going to see Catch Me If You Can on Broadway tonight! I've been looking forward to this for years. It's time to concentrate on all the awesome things happening in my life.

Here's to a wonderful evening and less RAWR in my life.

Not-So-Happy Feet

My week started off like this:


I never thought my determination would be a bad thing.

Despite the straining feeling my calf muscles screamed at me after several days of intense lacrosse practice, I decided to run a 3-miler last week. I skipped resting on Sunday. I then had several more intense lacrosse practices and my leg started throbbing. I pushed past it, excited about the upcoming game. Finally, this past Saturday after practice, I was in intense pain. I ignored the stabbing pain in my ankle and calf and went to yet another intense practice Sunday morning.

I could barely walk this week. After a gut-wrenching trip to the doctor, it was revealed I tore my peroneal tendon in my right leg. No lacrosse or running for at least two weeks, but most likely longer. It's the beginning of lacrosse season. Translation: I'm devastated.

I was in such intense pain that my worrying began to spiral out of control. What if I could never run again without injuring it? What if I had to have surgery? The thoughts piled up until I was swarming in misery.

It has now been 4 days since I have played lacrosse or exercised at all. I started feeling my optimism slip away, and that terrified me because my optimism is a gigantic part of myself. I started seeing events shrouded in negativity and may have attempted to stomped around my house in a huff. I ended up limping and grumbling instead.

I was going to mope in silence (with junk food, no less) until I saw this post at Hungry Runner Girl.

The post prompted me to say: who am I without lacrosse, without running?

I didn't always cling to these activities, and there is no need to measure my self worth by how far or fast I ran, the stagnant number on my scale, or my clothing.

What Makes Me Feel Like a Rockstar:

-Chatting with friends. Nothing like a gushing session about Glee or the latest dramas boosts my mood faster. When you talk with people who love you who you are (whether they live near or far), life is good.

-Writing. I used to write tons and I've strayed from it lately, intimidated by what I couldn't do. But if I had asked my past self if I could have run a sub-nine minute mile, I would have bet that I could not. If anything, I've learned not to put limits on myself, and just to work to the best of my abilities.

-Music. I used to belt out my favorite tunes (especially Disney ballads) all the time. I think it's time to bust out the stereo.

And hey, now I can concentrate on working my upper body and abs. It might not be fun at first, but who knows what it could be? I sure didn't think running was fun in the beginning, either.

Revenge Cupcaking

Today was not what I expected.

Some days don't go some well.

Some days you hit the snooze button one too many times, encounter traffic, scramble around in unfamiliar settings, and have a terrible lunch.

Some days you drop the only delish thing about your lunch, a cupcake, smack on the cafeteria floor.

Some days you meet unfriendly people, get told you need to speak with unavailable important people, and get told you can't do your dream internship you've been pining after for years.

Some days your ankle throbs so much it hurts to walk. Some days you realize you have to lay off training and cancel that 5k you've been so excited about. Some days you cry more than you smile.

This is one of those days.

When I got home after a very long drive, I revenge-cupcaked it up. Since this week is a birthday week for both family and friends, I baked a humongous batch of devil's food cake cupcakes with dark chocolate icing. My baking frenzy was not entirely good-willed. I proceeded to eat four.

Revenge is sweet.

It is also, however, very very wrong for my body. Weren't the next few months supposed to be about listening to my body and respecting my feelings? One bad day and I'm falling all over the baking supplies? This isn't going to happen again.

Don't take revenge with food. Talk.

On days like these, I think it's important to list what I'm thankful for. It's easy to forget in the grand scheme of things.

My family
My family is the pillow to my king-size bed, the charger to my laptop, the cinnamon to my bun. They're sustaining and comfy and I may forget they're necessary to recharge my spirits, but oh so sweet. I love them more than anything, and it's easy to take them for granted.

God
Don't be afraid, I'm not going to get all preachy on this blog. I feel like I'm the anti-preachy, because I came from an extremely diverse religious atmosphere and plundered into a religious one. All too often, I was the one feeling skeptical, lost, or questioning. I may not have settled on religion, but I definitely believe in God.

I feel this is important to address, though, so here goes. I am not particularly religious, but I am spiritual. I am grateful for everything God's given me. I am grateful for what He hasn't given me, so I can work towards it.

Abilities
I can run (when I'm not hurt). I can write. I can crack corny jokes. I can play board games and watch movies and eat and bake and laze around in the sun. I was taking a cab the other day and the driver was telling me how he often escorted a blind girl. She became blind at ten years old, and when he asked her what she wished she could remember, she said, "A sunset." I have to admit I sometimes take what I see every day for granted.

Today was a revenge-cupcake day. I'm turning it into a gratitude day instead. (I think Thanksgiving is more for food. I treat gratitude like it should be an every day thing.)

What are you thankful for?

Fab Friday (3/4/11)

Fab Friday: "Lucky"

I was dreading this week, but it turned out to be completely fabulous. Mentally, I started in a funk, completely stressed out from school. I thought being a senior would be more relaxing than last year, but I still manage to find stress in my life. Luckily...my favorite form of stress relief is running! I quickly tried boosting my mindset and looked at all the great things happening in my life.

It was a fantastic week for running, with my new mile PR on Tuesday (8:30!!) and 2-mile PR on Wednesday (19:24! With my first negative split ever!). Needless to say, I was so very pleased. I found both times that my legs were ready for more, but my lungs were heaving. Turns out maybe I was holding myself back on my runs--I struggled to pace a 10:30 mile just last week. I'm so thrilled.

I also passed the pacer test for lacrosse. I made it to level eleven! Woohoo! I can't believe how far I've come with running. I literally couldn't believe my mile time on Tuesday--my mouth dropped open and I almost keeled over in shock. I felt like I had won a zillion dollars. I don't think I've ever been so grateful for my body and its abilities. I try to be truly thankful for every step and breath I take. Even when it's easy to lose perspective, running helps me remember I am lucky all the time.

My right calf is a bit achey, so I'm stretching like it's my job.

This was a great week for food. I started Monday off by making a big batch of roasted rosemary potatoes.


For lunch yesterday, I had a gigantic salad with spinach, craisins, walnuts, and feta cheese. Delish!



After my ecstatic 8:30 mile on Tuesday, I decided to celebrate by picking up a joey from Moe's. Nothing like a burrito bowling ball in the stomach to celebrate! The best part: I got two burritos for the price of one! Nothing like the wonder of coupons.



Finally, for breakfast this morning, I decided to try Chobani Greek yogurt (strawberry) with strawberries, blueberries, an apple, and some Kix.


Delish! I'm definitely trying this yogurt combination again. The apple added just the right consistency, and I was a huge fan of more fresh strawberries mixed with strawberry yogurt. All in all, it's a great week.

Tuesday's Workout: Run (1 mi./8:30!!)
Wednesday's Workout: Run (2 mi./19:24!!)
Thursday's Workout: Lacrosse (2 hours)
Friday's Workout: Lacrosse (2 hours)