I never thought my determination would be a bad thing.
Despite the straining feeling my calf muscles screamed at me after several days of intense lacrosse practice, I decided to run a 3-miler last week. I skipped resting on Sunday. I then had several more intense lacrosse practices and my leg started throbbing. I pushed past it, excited about the upcoming game. Finally, this past Saturday after practice, I was in intense pain. I ignored the stabbing pain in my ankle and calf and went to yet another intense practice Sunday morning.
I could barely walk this week. After a gut-wrenching trip to the doctor, it was revealed I tore my peroneal tendon in my right leg. No lacrosse or running for at least two weeks, but most likely longer. It's the beginning of lacrosse season. Translation: I'm devastated.
I was in such intense pain that my worrying began to spiral out of control. What if I could never run again without injuring it? What if I had to have surgery? The thoughts piled up until I was swarming in misery.
It has now been 4 days since I have played lacrosse or exercised at all. I started feeling my optimism slip away, and that terrified me because my optimism is a gigantic part of myself. I started seeing events shrouded in negativity and may have attempted to stomped around my house in a huff. I ended up limping and grumbling instead.
I was going to mope in silence (with junk food, no less) until I saw this post at Hungry Runner Girl.
The post prompted me to say: who am I without lacrosse, without running?
I didn't always cling to these activities, and there is no need to measure my self worth by how far or fast I ran, the stagnant number on my scale, or my clothing.
What Makes Me Feel Like a Rockstar:
-Chatting with friends. Nothing like a gushing session about Glee or the latest dramas boosts my mood faster. When you talk with people who love you who you are (whether they live near or far), life is good.
-Writing. I used to write tons and I've strayed from it lately, intimidated by what I couldn't do. But if I had asked my past self if I could have run a sub-nine minute mile, I would have bet that I could not. If anything, I've learned not to put limits on myself, and just to work to the best of my abilities.
-Music. I used to belt out my favorite tunes (especially Disney ballads) all the time. I think it's time to bust out the stereo.
And hey, now I can concentrate on working my upper body and abs. It might not be fun at first, but who knows what it could be? I sure didn't think running was fun in the beginning, either.
